By: AnnaMarie Mock, CFP®
As Valentine’s Day approaches, conversations often turn to love, commitment, and the future we envision with our partner. While flowers, cards, and dinners are thoughtful expressions of care, one of the most meaningful—and lasting—gifts couples can give each other is open and honest communication about money.
As a financial advisor, I’ve learned that money itself is rarely the real problem in relationships. More often, the challenge is communication—unspoken expectations, differing experiences, and assumptions that never quite surface. Couples who are willing to talk openly about money, early and often, tend to build not only stronger financial plans but also stronger partnerships.
Money touches nearly every major life decision: where you live, how you spend your time, and how you care for children or aging parents. When couples align their financial values and create a shared decision-making framework, money becomes a tool that supports the relationship rather than a source of stress.
The Role of Communication in Financial Planning
Thoughtful financial planning for couples begins with open and honest conversations and an understanding of each other’s priorities, all while discussing money openly. Each partner brings a unique financial history into the relationship, shaped by their family upbringing, career path, past successes, and past mistakes. Talking through these differences isn’t about judgment; it’s about understanding.
A good starting point is discussing both individual and joint financial goals. One partner may prioritize flexibility and experiences, while the other values long-term security or early retirement. Neither is “right” nor “wrong,” but without clarity, those differences can lead to tension. Couples who articulate both personal and shared goals are better positioned to build a plan that respects individuality while moving forward together.
Equally important is reflecting on how each person has handled finances in the past.
How have you managed cash flow and savings historically?
Were you disciplined, or more reactive?
Have you tended to save first and spend what’s left, or spend first and hope to save later?
These patterns often carry forward unless they’re intentionally addressed.
Investment experience also plays a role. Couples benefit from discussing how they’ve invested in the past, how much risk each partner is comfortable taking, and what investment philosophy they’ve followed. One partner may be growth-oriented and comfortable with volatility, while the other prefers stability and predictability. Aligning on risk tolerance and expectations helps avoid emotional decision-making during inevitable market fluctuations.
Financial Conversations Before Marriage
Before marriage, financial discussions should be proactive and detailed. This stage is where couples can clarify expectations before legal and financial lives become intertwined. Conversations should include:
How finances will be treated after marriage, including ongoing income and existing savings.
Will accounts be fully combined, partially combined, or kept separate with a shared system for joint expenses?
There’s no universal correct answer—only what works best for the two of you. It’s also important to talk through day-to-day money management.
Who will pay the bills?
How will expenses be tracked?
How will long-term investing decisions be made, and who will be involved?
Addressing these questions early can prevent resentment later.
Another key topic is discretionary spending. Couples often benefit from agreeing on an acceptable monthly amount for non-essential or “fun” expenses. This strategy creates freedom within boundaries and reduces friction around smaller purchases. Along those lines, many couples choose to set a purchase threshold—an amount above which both partners agree to discuss the expense beforehand. It isn’t about control; it’s about respect and transparency.
Finally, pre-marital discussions should include future family planning if applicable.
What is the expected timeframe for children?
What are expectations around childcare and parenting style?
Will both partners continue working, or might one step back?
Would you consider a private school?
Do you plan to help cover college costs?
These decisions have significant financial implications, and early conversations allow couples to plan rather than react.
Financial Planning After Marriage
After marriage, financial planning becomes an ongoing process rather than a one-time conversation. Life changes—careers evolve, children arrive, priorities shift—and your financial plan should adapt alongside them. Regular check-ins help ensure that both partners continue to feel heard and aligned over the years. A strong post-marriage financial plan adapts alongside these changes and is revisited regularly to ensure both partners remain aligned.
Cash flow management remains a cornerstone of financial health. Reviewing spending habits together helps ensure day-to-day decisions support long-term goals. Couples should continue to clarify how income is managed, how bills are paid, and how savings are prioritized. These routines create structure and reduce stress that often accompanies financial uncertainty.
Long-term investing also deserves continued attention after marriage. As assets grow and responsibilities increase, couples should revisit their investment strategy to confirm it still reflects their combined risk tolerance and shared objectives. Market volatility can test emotions, particularly when partners have different comfort levels with risk, making ongoing communication essential.
Retirement planning is a critical component of financial planning and is often most effective when approached as a shared goal. Couples should discuss what retirement looks like for them—when they hope to retire, what lifestyle they envision, and whether they plan to stop working at the same time or in stages. Aligning expectations early helps guide savings decisions and investment strategy throughout working years. It’s also important to coordinate retirement accounts and benefits. Employer-sponsored plans, IRAs, pensions, and Social Security benefits all interact, and thoughtful planning can improve long-term outcomes. Decisions regarding contribution levels, asset allocation, and beneficiary designations should be reviewed together to ensure they align with the household’s overall plan.
As life circumstances change, retirement assumptions may shift as well. Career breaks, reduced work schedules, or one partner stepping away from the workforce can affect long-term projections. Regular reviews allow couples to adjust savings rates and expectations while staying focused on their shared vision of financial independence.
Ultimately, post-marriage financial planning, including retirement planning, is about partnership. When couples make decisions together, revisit them regularly, and plan with intention, they build not only long-term financial security but also confidence in the life they are creating side by side.
These are deeply personal choices, and a thoughtful financial plan can help couples understand trade-offs without forcing one “right” answer.
Turning Conversations Into a Plan
The most successful couples view financial planning as a shared project. They communicate openly, revisit decisions as life evolves, and use structure to reduce uncertainty. Working with an advisor can help translate these conversations into a coordinated plan—one that balances goals, manages risk, and supports the life you’re building together.
At its core, financial planning for couples isn’t just about numbers. It’s about trust, alignment, and intentional decision-making. When love, money, and communication work together, couples are far better equipped to navigate both the opportunities and challenges that come their way.
AnnaMarie Mock is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ and Partner at HIGHLAND Financial Advisors, LLC, a Fee-Only financial planning firm that offers comprehensive financial planning, retirement planning, employer retirement planning, and investment management. AnnaMarie graduated from Montclair State University with a degree in finance and management and successfully passed the CFP® national exam in 2016. She has been working at Highland Financial Advisors since 2013 as a fee-only, fiduciary Wealth Advisor and is a member of NAPFA.
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The above article was written with the assistance of artificial intelligence (AI).